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  1. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 1
    Tiffany38

    Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend

    I read this today and thought some of you might appreciate it...


    Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend

    1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
    (This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

    2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
    (This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

    3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
    (This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

    4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
    Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a
    child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
    (Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

    5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
    (Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

    6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
    (This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

    7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
    (Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

    8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
    (This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a ****ty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)

    9. "Wow you must miss him?"
    (This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

    10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
    (I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)
    > >
    11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
    (Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

    12. "Don't you miss se*! I couldn't do it!"
    (hmmm, no i don't miss se*. i'm a robot.
    seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than se*. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of se* deprivation.)
    > >
    13. "Well in my opinion....."
    (Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

    last but not least....

    14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
    He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

    If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all,
    we are se*ually deprived for your freedom.

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  3. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 2
    garfieldshome
    lol i agree
    I get tese comments here and there, and sometimes you just want to punch them....

  4. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 3
    Cyndera
    Agreed.

    So ... what can you say to military spouses?
    (Well, aside from "thank you that your husbands and wives fight for XY ... even if we might not agree with the war. But that is not the soldier's choice).

  5. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 4
    geoduck
    Ich hatte sehr viel Glueck als mein Mann in Vietnam war. Seine Familie hat sich ruehrend um mich gekuemmert.
    Aber als mein Mann viel TDy war und ich mit den Kindern alleine war, weit weg von der Familie, weiss ich was ich gerne gehoert haette:
    If you need somebody to talk to, I'm here. Would you like to grab the kids and have a nice outing? Lunch, zoo, was weiss ich. Is there anything to help out with- da war immer was was am Auto nicht funktionierte oder die Waschmaschine hat wieder mal bloed gespielt. Oftmals war man bloss froh die Stimme eines Erwachsenen zu hoeren.
    Oder war ab und zu mal schoen to let the hair down with the other wives, die in der gleichen Situation waren. Das half immer zu wissen, das man nicht allein war.
    Oder das man bei Freunden nebst den Kindern oder auch ohne mal zum Essen eingeladen wurde.

  6. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 5
    garfieldshome
    english only!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 6
    geoduck
    Sorry.
    I was really lucky when my husband was in Vietnam. His family was very supportive and helpful.
    But later, when I had kids and my husband spent a lot of time TDY and I was a long way away from family, there are things that made his absences more bearable.
    It was friends saying, If you need somebody to talk to I 'm here for you. Or lets grab the kids and do something fun like lunch, or going to the zoo or whatever. And somebody was there when I needed help because the car was on the fritz or the washing machine acted up. Usually whoever's husband was home would be "on call".
    And have friends ask you over for dinner even when you are "solo".
    And to have a hen party with the other wives. Made life easier to know that there are others in the same situation you are in.
    I realize that the Military does a lot more for the families then they used to . And nowadays there are the wonderful inventions of e-mail, cell phones and webcams. But evenw ith all those little "helpers" to make it a bit easier, it is still a lonely existance, full of worries,waiting for the phonecall or the e-mail to know that he is o.k.

  8. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 7
    solaris
    what not to say??


    stupid answers like above.
    If you have nothing Intelligent to say, shut it.:
    Heard them, over and over again, and the only things that what comes out of it, it makes you wanna smack the ever living Hell out of the person saying them.

  9. Things NOT to say to a military Spouse or Girlfriend # 8
    Cyndera
    Zitat Zitat von solaris Beitrag anzeigen
    what not to say??


    stupid answers like above.
    If you have nothing Intelligent to say, shut it.:
    Heard them, over and over again, and the only things that what comes out of it, it makes you wanna smack the ever living Hell out of the person saying them.
    Don't you want to do that anyway? *runs and hides*
    Just kidding.

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