Difference between Women and Men

  1. #1 Difference between Women and Men
    *spot*

    Difference between Women and Men

    I don't know if this one has already been posted. But I love it and want to share it with you guys:


    Difference between Women and Men


    1. NAMES

    If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.


    If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.



    2. EATING OUT

    When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
    None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.


    When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.



    3. MONEY

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.


    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.



    4. BATHROOMS

    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.


    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
    A man would not be able to identify most of these items.



    5. ARGUMENTS

    A woman has the last word in any argument.


    Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.



    6. CATS

    Women love cats.


    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.



    7. FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



    8. SUCCESS

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



    9. MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.



    10. DRESSING UP

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.


    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.



    11. NATURAL

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.


    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



    12. OFFSPRING

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.


    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



    13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

    Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

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  3. #2 Difference between Women and Men
    sevil
    Sooooo funny and true at the same time

  4. #3 Difference between Women and Men
    Gast21527
    Like it, but I never kicked the cats....
    DagO

  5. #4 Difference between Women and Men
    Gast7058
    awesome, and so true. here's sth else everyone should read and think about

    RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.

    3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

    4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

    5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

    7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

    8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

    10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!!!!

    11. You have enough clothes.

    12. You have too many shoes.

    13. Crying is blackmail.

    14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

    15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

    16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

    17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

    18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    19. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

    23. Check your oil.

    24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

    25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

    26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

    28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

    31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

    32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done.....not both.

    33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

    35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

    36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

    37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

    38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

    39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

    40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

    41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

    43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

    44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

  6. #5 Difference between Women and Men
    *spot*
    Very funny and also so true! Thanks d-dee.

  7. #6 Difference between Women and Men
    born to cooks mom
    Laughing so hard its absolutly true

  8. #7 Difference between Women and Men
    Saran
    That`s cool, funny and......... true!!!!!!!


    S

  9. #8 Difference between Women and Men
    bluemarkus
    well its pretty upfront but its true

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