[joernfr]

a little story to explain what I mean...

My wife works in a high-school as a teacher in a blue collar neighborhood. A lot of her students suck. Their attitude sucks and their work ethics sucks, too. So after living in Germany for a while she happended to pick up this German habit of saying things out loud the way they are. When the students sucked badly again one time she told them the way it was: "If you keep on (not) studying, you will all end as burger-flippers." All right that caused some disturbance, because she did not 'candy-coat' her words. Well that was a new phrase I learned from that coincidence, because the school policemen agreed with her and told her it was good that at least someone is not 'candy-coating' the situation.

The typical American way of saying would probably be first to say something positive, then say the negative facts, and finally say something motivating (positive) again. Therfore 'candy-coating'.

Ok here is a question for all of you German-Americans:
Did you ever notice that German are very direct when criticizing?
Do you start picking up this behaviour or do you keep on saying things the way things are and let people deal with it?

I personally try not to candy-coat too much. But sometimes I do because I keep remembering that the status 'you suck" in Germany is a temporary condition and stays until the cause of 'you suck' is gone. In America in my own opinion people take it very personal and think if you telling them 'you suck' it sticks with them forever.

All right, so what do you all think about it?

greetings

Joern

PS. I think candy-coating sucks.

[mbiene]

Hi,
this is an interesting topic. In my opinion one of the advantages living in different countries and observing different aspects. Indeed I made the same observations as you/your wife did. Since in the group were I work there are quite a few Europeans, but still also some US-Americans, in seminars for example were each others work is discussed one can very nicely observe these differences. Most Europeans tend to critizise in a more direct way. Some -in this case here mostly Russians- even partially in a quite offending way. While US-Americans usually tend to either not critizise at all (which is not really helpfull in this case) or are very gentle (which is already better). If the candy-coated message is still clear enough, I think it is a good way. On the other hand, sometimes to make people really understand a problem/mistake, it is really necessary to use a more direct approach.

[Hap]

Joern,
first of all you did a terrific job describing this situation. But there might be a potential for improvement.
You may want to consider, to take a look at the blue collar area as a "low opportunity area".

The polite and political way to communicate is taught in college here in the communication classes as part of the general education every student has to take. Maybe it is a good idea for many Germans, including myself, to take a look at the books used in those classes. In fact I am browsing through one right now and will post the title if it is of any interest.

Hap

[Beate]

not to be picky, but the term is "to sugar-coat"

Beate

[joernfr]

Yes, interestingly enough, if you have one or more phrases for this typical behaviour then something must be true with that. I also heard people talking about to 'sandwich' their criticizm.

Joern

[imported_Jessie]

I think in a work environment it makes sense to convey criticism in a sensitive manner. You don't want the employee to leave you frustrated and possibly angry, you want to motivate him/her to do better in the future.

I do like the American way in that regard, as long as the message still comes across, as somebody else said so eloquently.

PS: Some of my American friends (mostly the women, coincidentally ) are way more blunt than I've ever seen anywhere else. Which is not a bad thing.

[Floridiana]

Jessie,

Now you know why New Yorkers are considered rude by the rest of the sugar-coating country.

[imported_Jessie]

@Ingrid,

the ones I was referring to live in Maryland and Chicago!

But New Yorkers aren't exactly shy either, I have to agree with that.